Tough conversations are a natural part of life. Good relationships take effort – and that includes professional relationships. When interpersonal problems arise at work, HR typically takes the lead in addressing them. This task might not be fun, but it’s an essential part of HR’s work and a powerful opportunity to improve company culture.
Understanding Difficult Conversations
Why are some conversations difficult? These key interactions tend to be high-stakes and emotionally vulnerable. Telling a coworker he has spinach stuck in his teeth might be awkward, but it won’t make or break his career – or even his afternoon. Telling him he’s been accused of workplace harassment is a much more serious issue. HR might be called upon to talk about:
- Ongoing performance issues
- Harassment
- Discrimination
- Wage garnishment
- Interpersonal conflicts
- Legal issues
Emotionally charged conversations are unavoidable. At best, ignoring important topics will make your team feel unheard. At worst, it can lead to compliance issues or even legal problems. You can prepare for some of these conversations by outlining a clear company policy, but every situation is different.
How to Have Difficult Conversations Step By Step
In her webinar, Taking the Dread Out of Tough Conversations, HR expert Lorna J. Kibbey shares the following five steps you can use to approach these interactions with compassion, clarity, and grace.
Step One: Get Ready
Before you initiate the conversation, take some time to prepare. Jot down notes for yourself, answering questions like:
- What events led up to this conversation? Be as specific as possible, including dates, times, and people involved.
- Which larger issues do you need to address? You can use your employee handbook as a reference here.
- Will the discussion be private, or will you need to share details with anyone else (such as your legal team)?
- What is the ultimate goal of the conversation?
Include as much detail as possible but stick to the facts. This isn’t a moral indictment of the employee; it’s an opportunity to get on the same page.
Kibbey emphasizes that all tough conversations should be “based on facts, observations, and behaviors, not emotion, perceptions, or judgment.”
Step Two: Have the Conversation
HR leaders should foster an open, honest discussion during the conversation itself. Instead of immediately assigning blame, speak for yourself and, if necessary, for the company. Avoid making assumptions about what happened, why it happened, or how anyone feels about the situation.
In every step of this process, active listening is key. “This should not be a one-sided conversation,” Kibbey says. “This is a dialogue.” Take every opportunity to gather new information, instead of hyper-focusing on your perspective. You can learn a great deal from what the other person has to say, even if you strongly disagree. Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand their point of view.
Step Three: Manage Strong Emotions
Difficult conversations can evoke strong feelings for everyone – HR, managers, employees, and even outside observers like your C-suite or legal team. And unfortunately, strong emotions can get in the way of clear communication.
Acknowledge complex feelings without letting them take the wheel. You might want to schedule time to process your emotions in private before and after the difficult conversation. During the talk itself, it’s important to remain calm and composed, focusing on the issue at hand instead of your response to it.
Remember that certain cues, like your body language, facial expression, or word choice, can change the tenor of the conversation. The same information can sound very different if you deliver it with a smile or a sneer.
Step Four: Define the Fix
“The whole goal of a tough conversation is to solve a problem – to turn it positive,” Kibbey explains. Leaders should provide constructive feedback whenever possible. Focus on specific behaviors that need to change and discuss the desired impact of those changes. By the end of the meeting, everyone in the room should be able to answer these questions:
- What immediate next steps do I need to take?
- What long-term outcomes am I working toward, based on this conversation?
- How will I be held accountable for the commitments I made today?
- How can I hold the other people I met with to their commitments?
- When do I need to complete these next steps? (Include check-in dates and hard deadlines.)
- What will the consequences be if I fail to follow through?
These questions apply to everyone in the room, including HR and managers. Even if you’ve done nothing wrong, your next steps can dictate the situation’s outcome. Make sure to take careful notes during the conversation, recording action items, deadlines, and other important details. The SMART Goal framework can come in handy here!
Step Five: Follow Through
The conversation itself is just one step in a much longer process. Next, everyone has to follow through on their commitments. That includes leaders, employees, and any third parties who might be involved.
HR can set the tone for what comes next with clear, consistent communication. Before you end the initial meeting, schedule a time for your next check-in. Then, send an immediate email with notes on what you discussed and what needs to happen next. It’s your job to monitor everyone’s progress and address roadblocks if they appear.
Earning Trust Through Difficult Conversations
Navigating difficult situations is a hugely effective way to earn trust – and not just from the people directly involved. Over time, your HR team will develop a reputation for the way you handle conflict. Even small issues can have a ripple effect, ultimately changing your company culture. Leaders should treat every difficult conversation as an opportunity to do right by your team and drive sustainable growth.
Looking to strengthen your company culture? Paycor’s HCM solution can help. Our talent management system empowers leaders to navigate difficult conversations, and help them grow their careers. View a demo or contact us to learn how these tools can support your team!